Parenting

What is the purpose of parenting?

There are many different purposes for parenting in todays society. The main purpose is to parenting is to provide for the needs of their children. This includes the physical, emotional, and mental needs. Another would be to teach children become better citizens and be leaders. Parents also learn a lot about their children and themselves through parenting.  

Michael Popkin teaches people how to parent their children. He said that the purpose of parenting is protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they will live in. This is an interesting way to look at parenting children. Parents are to protect their children from the potential dangers of the world they will grow up in. Children need to be prepared for the situations they will grow up in so that they can become effective leaders in the future. The future of a child is not always set in stone to be successful. Depending on how they are raised will determine if they will just survive in the world or if they will thrive. Popkin’s definition also talks about preparing the children for the world they will live in. It is important for parents to realize that the world their children will grow in will be completely different from the way they grew up in.

Parents all over the world question how to raise their children. I think one of the biggest concerns for parents is how they should correct their children. Popkin created a problem handling method for families to follow. He says it is the problem handling model because not all problems can be solved but people can learn to deal with them affectively. This model focuses on who the problem belongs to.

First, we will evaluate what to do if the child owns the problem. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the child created the problem, but it does mean that the child is directly affected by it. Popkin’s model states that parents should step back and allow the child to suffer the natural consequences of the problem. By allowing the child to suffer the natural consequences then they won’t feel like they are just being punished by their parents. It also allows them to exercise their agency to learn that their parents won’t always be there to bail them out. There are some exceptions to allowing children to suffer natural consequences. Parents should step if the natural consequence will be to dangerous, it is to far off in the future or will also affect others. When parents need to step in and give guidance it should be done with love and be logical consequences.

If the problem belongs to both the parents and child, then they need to have a conversation about consequences. This allows the parents and child to be on the same page about how their actions affect others.

Many times, there are actions of children that directly affect the parents. For example, when a mother wants her child to clean up their mess, but they don’t. This is the mother’s problem because it effects here and not the child. She will either have to have a dirty house or clean up after the child. Popkin’s model offers wonderful guidance to parents on how to handle these situations. First, the parent needs to make a polite request to the child about the problem. Let’s continue with the previous example about the child not cleaning up their things. The mother could say “will you please pick up your things that are in the living room”. If that doesn’t work, then the parent needs to make an “I” statement. The mother could say “when you leave your things in the living room, I feel taken advantage of because I will have to clean it or have a dirty house. I would like you to clean up your things that are in the living room.” The “I” statement presents the problem to the child by teaching them that their actions affect others. If the “I” statement doesn’t work, then the parent needs to make a firmer statement. Firmer statements are not threats or yelling but they make the point in a clear manner to the child. After the firmer statement is made there may have to consequences to the child’s action if they are still not obeying. Logical consequences should be discussed with the child, so they know what will happen when they miss behave.

Popkin offers eight pointers to help parents create logical consequences for their children. One, discuss the consequences in advanced as parents. Two, involve the child in the discussion to provide fairness to the consequence. Three, use if/then, when/then choices for consequences. This teaches the child about cause and effect but also allows them to know when the consequence will end. Fourth, logically connect the discussed consequence to a natural consequence. Fifth, make sure the consequence is something you can live with and follow through with. Sixth, be firm and friendly. Seventh, follow through with the consequence. If you don’t follow through, then it is just a threat and the child will learn how to get out of future consequences. Eight, give the child another chance and review the consequences of future actions.